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"Stranger Things" sucks.

Updated: Nov 4, 2022

I tried, damnit. I really did. But, I'm out.

First, let me start by providing a very in-depth synopsis of my viewing experience over the past 4 seasons:

Season 1 - Oh, cool. What a perfect blend of nostalgia and storytelling. Count me in.

Season 2 - Alright, I get it. Still in...but you're starting to lose me here.

Season 3 - ............

Season 4 - Shit, I forgot they were still producing this show. Is this the last season? Wait, so the premise of it all is that El can't scream anymore so she has to get her scream back and Hopper is detained by the Russians? Oh look, a new adorable character has entered for them to kill off! Still not entirely sure how the upside-down works but who needs those details?!

At this point, this is where who I am as a person comes back to bite me in the ass. Once I have invested X amount of time into something, I'm determined to finish it. So, there I found myself, hate watching season 4. Anxiously awaiting the finish line. Hours of my life I'll never get back, wishing Vecna would appear in my living room and snap my limbs in half before ending this misery.

Maybe if I say his name 3 times whilst looking into a mirror a la Candyman style he'll appear and treat me like Max without a cassette player.

Oh shit, spoilers. My bad. Whatever, from the looks of it, everyone and their mother has seen this show.

Listen, it needs to be stated that I'm not here to drag the name(s) of everyone involved. I wish them nothing but the best and there are some seriously talented folks making the magic happen both on and off-screen, obviously. Being an older millennial it's safe to say that I'm not exactly the demographic they're going for, to begin with, and that's fine.

But people, I can easily argue that we are in the golden era of television. Truly hashtag blessed. This lather, rinse, and repeat style of television just doesn't cut it for me anymore.

The fucked up part is, if you could wager on whether or not I'd watch season 5, the safe money is that I do. Take that to the bank.

What can I say? It has to be finished.

Just don't expect to see any waterworks from this guy when Mike delivers some weak, over-the-top cliche speech to his boo where he finally drops the L bomb because holy hell that was some lazy writing.

But not as lazy as the writing on this blog post.

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