Previously on "The Bachelorette"...
"Daemon. Do you accept this rose?" - Rhaenyra, probably.
Holy incestuous hell, what an episode. Where do I even begin?!
Episode 4 starts off with a disinterested Rhaenyra listening to men (and one boy) plea for her hand in marriage and it's all good and fun until someone gets the sword. Literally. Whatever, it's not even worth the princess and co. to turn around and witness, clean the mess up and let's move on with our day.
DAEMON RETURNS and he's sporting a new wig...er, haircut! And a crown?! His brother, King Viserys confronts him over it, and to his shock Daemon is like "you're the king and this crown is yours" and the two hug it out to a round of applause. So sweet, much wow.
Okay. Now I know this in its totality means absolutely nothing to the episode but I have to mention the scene where Queen Alicent is talking to her former bestie about how she doesn't have any friends and how difficult her position is.
BOO FUCKING HOO. Cry me a river, Maleficent.
You knew exactly what you were doing when you were positioning yourself with King Viserys aka your best friend's father following the death of his wife. And although yes, this is how things work in the GOT/"House of the Dragon" world you will not be receiving my sympathy any time soon. Especially when it looks like (according to the preview for episode five), you're one conversation away from turning on Rhaenyra in order to put your son, Prince Aegon the toddler, in power.
Side note before moving on from this narcissist, never watch this show during the daytime.
I'm not sure if my TV needs to be adjusted or what but the glare was so bad that the following 15-20 minutes were so dark I couldn't see anything. Call me Sandra Bullock in "Bird Box" cause I can't see a damn thing.
That's okay because as it turns out, I didn't miss anything.
Except for the part where DAEMON SNEAKS HIS FUCKING NIECE OUT OF THE CASTLE TO GET DRUNK AND TAKE HER VIRGINITY IN A BROTHEL.
At the end of the day, Targaryen's are gonna Targaryen. They make people from rural Alabama blush. To quote Dave Chappelle playing Clayton Bigsby in the infamous "Black White Supremacist" sketch: "Listen here, buddy. If anyone's gonna be having sex with my sister it's gonna be me!"
Shout out to Daemon with an ultimate one-liner before deflowering his niece in front of sex workers in response to her question "what is this place?"
"It's where people come to take what they want."
It's like the explicit version of "let the good times roll." Not going to lie, I'm into it. And to anyone surprised at this particular scene, just know that the Targaryen's are all about keeping it in the family. Also, think back to GOT when the first fucking episode has Bran as a peeping Tom catching a brother balls deep in his sister and pushed out of a tower.
But, it was the tip. Just to see how it feels. And in true "this world is so fucked up" fashion, Rhaenyra retreats to the castle once Daemon gets whiskey dick only to then lure Ser Cristen Cole to her bed to finish what her Uncle had started.
Hey, if lords can do it then so can the princess. Get it, Rhaenyra!
The issue is, the King finds out. Turns out, his servant Otto has informants all over the city who report to Otto thus reporting to Viserys that his daughter was at a whore house pounding wine and fucking around with his brother. Viserys refuses to believe it but recognizes that the optics are bad. He's basically in a situation where he knows it's true and doesn't want to acknowledge it and that's okay Viserys, group hug for you. Alicent tries to broker the conversation but whatever, she sucks. And Viserys ultimately calls for a very hungover Daemon to be brought to him so he can question and beat him privately.
Not only does Daemon NOT deny that he played ouch ouch you're on my hair with his niece, this dude doubles down and requests that Rhaenyra be his wife. AND he's already married! The balls on this guy, I swear.
Viserys tells him to fuck off and in a strange moment of reckoning with himself, acknowledges that his servant Otto can no longer be trusted and cites his giving his daughter to marry despite faithfully serving two kings prior. After he does this he sits down with Rhaenyra to tell her that fucky fuck time is over and now she's going to marry and this time it's up to him. Hope that night in the brothel was worth it!
The episode ends with Rhaenyra in her quarters late night receiving a visitor sent from the king who has brewed her some tea. At first, I was pumped because who doesn't love a late-night snack?! But then, the princess quickly realizes that the tea has a special purpose, and that purpose rhymes with "shmashmortion."
Episode 5 is about to be bonkers.