How did we get here? Is this real life? Is Kordell Stewart in charge of the simulation we're all unknowingly living in?!
It's real, folks.
Prime Time, Neon Deion Sanders is coming to Boulder, Colorado to serve as the 28th Head Coach in the program's history. Colorado Buffaloes football is so fucking back.
How back? Well, the last time the team did anything of relevance was in the 1990s - VERY early 2000s. Sure, you could make the argument for the standalone 2016 season dubbed "The Rise" but while Buffs faithful held out hope for that year signifying a cultural shift back to prominence, the reality is that deep down inside...we all knew. Whatever, it was fun while it lasted.
All. We. Know. Is. Pain. Unfathomable, writhing pain. Every Buff knows that we all collectively have PTSD. We've been in the trenches taking grenades for years and the fucked up part is, all of those damages were self-inflicted. We lost a lot of good men out there. "Playing for the Yankees!?"
The University of Colorado at Boulder doesn't offer you a lifetime subscription to Better Help once you walk away, but they should consider it. We've seen and dealt with a lot. A LOT. Remember the Dan Hawkins era?! I sure as shit do. I VOLUNTARILY TOOK A JOB AS A VIDEOGRAPHER FOR FOR THE FOOTBALL TEAM during his tenure. Because suffering at the hands of the football program wasn't enough, I wanted to record my own execution from a forklift while Cody Hawkins scrambles away from a sack and throws an interception with his NON-DOMINANT HAND 50 feet below me.
Remember Jon Embree? That era was so bad I would pray at night to the football gods to bring back Dan Hawkins. "I'll even go back to working for the team, I promise!" I muttered out loud from my shitty apartment on The Hill surrounded by empty Keystone Light cans, bong resin, and Adderall.
At least Dan had one thing right, it ain't intramurals brother!
And don't even get me started on Mel Tucker. This royal piece of shit attended a donor's meeting on behalf of the football program and less than 12 hours later was on a PJ donning Michigan State gear. His departure was so abrupt and filled with lies that it was reported that our (beloved, again) Athletic Director, Rick George, wouldn't let him back in the facilities to address the team before he bailed on them. You know, it's pretty ironic that this man preaches "integrity" so much despite it being the thing he clearly lacks the most. And now it's showing in his own football team as MSU plummets, they're on the hook for $80 million, reports are coming out that he's taking bonuses meant for staff and lining his pockets with it, oh and the incident where their players are assaulting Michigan players in the tunnel and are being charged with criminal offenses.
Sucks to suck, Mel!
And guess what? None of this stuff matters. It's all in the rearview mirror. The road ahead is full of sunshine with no clouds in the sky and the view is immaculate. Like coming down US 36 from Denver over that one last hill to see America's happiest town Boulder, Colorado, laid out in front of you in all of its splendor. There is no other place in the world like it.
The Deion effect is already in full gear. Less than 12 hours on campus and the Buffs landed a 5-star 2025 recruit, only their fourth all-time in program history. Just think about that for a second.
His introductory press conference held on the BuffsTV YouTube account had upwards of 15,000 viewers at its peak. The CU Football official Instagram account went from mid-50K to 84K and counting overnight, a 32% increase. National and international news media outlets are now interested in the Colorado Buffaloes, again. Oh, and his son Shedeur Sanders, the 4-star top 250 talent, will be the QB1.
I just saw that Kevin Durant is sharing the Deion to Boulder news on his socials.
HOW CAN THIS BE REAL?!
But, I have to stop questioning it. Or waitings for "Buffs shit" to happen. It's hard, but I have to. WE have to. We owe it to ourselves. We've been to fucking war and back together, and to say we're long overdue to feel good and have some optimism around our football program and the university's willingness to accept the importance of it...well, that's the understatement of the fucking century.
So, soak it in. Hell, talk your shit. There is one person in the entire college football landscape with the ability to flip a program within 24 hours and that man is none other than Deion Sanders.
The University of Colorado's Head Football Coach.
Sko. Fucking. Buffs.